Weekly Ketchup 50 - Busy Week

I thought last week was busy but I was wrong!
I've been out every day this past week for one reason or another.

Monday night was spent at home, worrying and prepping for the upcoming onslaught of typhoon Hagupit, which didn't happen thankfully.

Tuesday night was spent at the wake of the mom of geek friends Carl and Isab at Manila Memorial Park. Rej, Chiqui, Shey, Oneal, Mark P., and I went, though for obvious reasons, no photo of the group was taken. Me being me, I did think about it the entire time we were there. I just wasn't sure if it was appropriate. (Though now that I'm writing this, I remember that the college friends had a photo taken during the wake of one of our own just earlier this year.)

Anyway, it was good to see Carl again. I haven't seen the guy for at least a couple of years, though we still maintain contact over Facebook. He and his sister were in surprisingly good spirits, attending to us and regaling us with stories of their more emotional relatives and how their mom was such a big fan of showbiz that she would prefer getting buried in a plot near where some celebrities were.

After the visit, the rest of us went out for cold treats at Iceberg's, at which point it would've been perfectly fine to take a photo of the group but I didn't so here's a photo of what I had instead.

Photo credit

Wednesday was Hobbit Day! The Battle of the Five Armies had its premiere and I got to don my Ori costume again, which I hadn't even laundered because of the whole typhoon thing. Me and my friends have been dressing up as the dwarven company for the past three years now and helping Warner Bros. Philippines pretty much spruce up their media premiere for the trilogy, posing for photos and interacting with their guests.

I almost didn't make it to the screening, though, because Manila is such a magical place that at certain times, the population of the city seems to triple and what should normally take an hour's ride would expand to three hours! It's ridiculous! I was flashing back to events two weeks ago and was even contemplating on just going home.

Well, thankfully, I decided to trudge on. I made it to the movie just in time to put my costume on. I didn't get to take photo ops until afterwards though.

As for the movie itself, I felt like it could've been cut down to half. It was action-packed, to be sure, and the battle scenes were majestic at that but it was dragging at parts, especially Tauriel's scenes (let's not even get started on her lines). I felt like the ending was a little rushed and one character I expected to have longer screen time was demoted to a glorified cameo. However, I thought the scenes connecting to the Lord of the Rings were incredible! It reminded me of the excitement I felt upon seeing the Imperial Star Destroyers in Revenge of the Sith!

Photo c/o Jovan.

The following night, despite not feeling well the entire day, I made sure to attend Deus Sex Machina 2 at Boho Sarapsody Bistro. I missed the first one and was curious as to what the event was all about. It was basically amateur erotica reading but most of it was humorous. My college friend Denice, for example, read her composition about pop stars, girl groups, and boy bands of the 90s. A bunch of the regulars at Geek Fight were there as well as the regulars at Boho. It was a fun evening but I only got to drink once and had to leave as soon as the program was over (way before midnight) because of the whole not-feeling-thing.

Something I said to Denice got me thinking though. I mentioned to her how the readings got me "hot and bothered", which, in hindsight, might not have been the right choice of words. I didn't think I was aroused in anyway but I was stimulated, which, I think, was the purpose of the night anyway. She was flabergasted at the idea because she thought me asexual, and I don't blame her. Just a couple of weeks ago, I told college friend M that I probably am. I even blogged about it a couple of months ago. Sorta.

However, I don't know that not being capable of getting attracted to someone else means not getting stimulation at all, even at the most whimsical scenarios. Maybe I just have a vivid imagination. Or maybe I'm just aroused by the idea... or the story. I've often said how I seem perfectly capable of feeding of other people's emotions, particularly happiness or excitement. Maybe other people getting attracted to each other is what gets me off.

The following night, Friday, was the company Christmas party. I'm not really a big fan of the people I work with. Not that I hate them. I'm just not big on the idea of spending time with them on a casual basis. So I busied myself with karaoke, vodka, and Instagramming the funky glasses at the bar. Highlight of the night was reaching my whistle register while singing Minnie Ripperton's "Loving You" with a female officemate.

Yesterday, I was at another trooping with the Philippine Garrison of the 501st Legion, this time helping spread holiday cheer to the kids confined at the Philippine Children's Medical Center. We gave away toys and interacted with the patients, taking a few photos. As always, my duty was to help the troopers get dressed and snap photos and videos of the event, though I used someone else's equipment.

I don't think I'll ever get used to the sight of kids fighting for their lives. Some of these kids are fighting cancer. Some are in worse conditions. Some are just babies.

It's a good thing I had to be zooming in and out of rooms, chasing troopers, making sure I got good shots of everybody, because I don't think I can just stand there and be idle. I've helped in similar charities before with the same people and I still can't imagine how any of my friends can stay in character and even offer words of encouragement. I can't imagine it gets easier for them considering they do these sorts of activities more than I do.

Photo by me, from Sharm Macalua's album

In happier children news, earlier today was the first birthday of my college friend Germie's daughter. I was actually surprised to get invited since we're not particularly close (I didn't even know she was pregnant until she gave birth) but I made sure to go. After all, I did preach about making time for friends and I really treat it like such an honor to be invited to these things, especially since I wasn't particularly popular with my classmates during the college years. I guess I've come a long way, huh?

Aside from the classmates, there were a few batchmates I knew as well. It was always good to catch up about where they are now and what they'e doing. At some point, Albert mentioned that we've now approached that age where instead of endless parties, we're now attending weddings and children's birthday parties. I say: Bring it on. Any excuse to get together is a good thing. Just don't let it be funerals please!

So that's been my week. It's been very eventful. I'm seriously looking forward to a quiter week ahead, despite the mad holiday rush. I'm also beginning to plan out my itinerary for my upcoming big trip. And wow! I can't believe I only have two weeks left in this blog exercise!

Weekly Ketchup 47 - Social Media, Social Issues

To say that this past week has been unremarkable can really mean it's about any number of things as far as I'm concerned. How I'm grateful for my latest finished writing gig. How I've been playing the same level on Heroes Chronicles because I keep losing. How I'm frustrated with Zenonia because of repetitive gameplay. How I just caught up with three weeks' worth of shows. How I never have anything on-hand to wear to weddings and so I had to shop for new stuff for a couple of weddings I have to attend in the coming weeks and how incredibly hard it is to find stuff that fits my shape and budget. How my skin, hair, and body are totally whacked. How my dog now barks at me. Or how I'm totally digging this YouTube channel.

Here's the thing: Not only are all of these mundane things old news in this blog (except for the wedding get-up thing but anyone who's ever known me knows I'm not big on formal wear) but they're all incredibly self-serving. This blog has been a bible of "me" things since I started and that's by design. Sure, I've discussed my opinions about certain issues every now and then but, for the most part, I've always just talked about my own experiences, which is what I set out to do to begin with so I won't fault this space for that.

I do, however, feel that, as a person, I couldn't be more rotten. I recognize that I'm self-serving and self-involved but then again I'm also self-motivated, so I guess there's a balance to it... maybe... kinda...?
The thing is: I've also long considered myself charitable even if I really can't afford to be generous, so I always try to give whatever I have extra of - whether it be time, money, or clothes - to relief efforts (Ondoy and Yolanda come to mind). In my admittedly skewed view of the world, I'm already privileged and excessive (that I can afford to get into geek stuff and pursue jobs in non-essential industries is already proof enough of that) so I try as much as I can to really give forward. I'm also the kind of person who feels guilty about seeing a homeless child or elderly on the way home after having just bought a P200 shirt on a whim.

The reason I bring this up isn't to brag about my sensitivity to social injustice (though I wouldn't be humble about it either, if the situation called for it) but I do need to paint a picture of the stuff that goes on in my head to illustrate a point: That it isn't enough.

While I've never endeavored or internalized being an activist or advocate (yes, there's a difference) for any cause, I've always thought that I would be doing something important. I never set out to be the savior of the world. I've just always thought I would be part of something that will. That's probably why I was never drawn to Superman or his all-star team but was heavily invested in the Avengers. The idea of a team of second-tier small-fries playing in the big league appealed more to my sensibilities.

Source

Yet here I am: Obsessed with my own growth. My own legacy. My projects. My goals. My stories. Where is the team I'm supposed to be avenging with?

Now, here's why I brought this up: For some inexplicable reason, I was beginning to get bored with social media this past week. Like I'm somehow just going through the motion and routine of checking my updates but not really invested in the experience as much as I used to be.

Then the following things happened:
Barack Obama just announced amnesty for undocumented immigrants, which gives hope for Jose Antonio Vargas (I already shared my thoughts on him and his advocacy in a previous blog) - something I care a little too much for when I'm not even remotely affected;
It's also the fifth anniversary of the Ampatuan Massacre, which I realize is a horrible event by itself - the delayed justice even more so - but I honestly don't care as much as I should about it (please don't hate me, I'm sorry);
But what got me really thinking about how removed I am from being conscious about social issues is a surprising new follower on Instagram and Twitter: Fil-Am activist Kalayaan Mendoza. It's ridiculous and twisted that it took this one small thing to realize that what I've been posting as funny or thoughtful on my social media feed is utter garbage compared to what many others are using the platform for.

The logical denouement for such a realization is to use social media to benefit social issues. However, I am also aware that "slacktivism" is a thing and I want no part of that either. So where does that leave me?

Not for the first time, I thought about leaving everything behind and joining some underground movement and take the fight out of the virtual world. Anything just  to step out of myself. Maybe join an NGO or Green Peace. But I just don't have it in me. I'm too self-involved but also insecure about my own abilities that I'd likely end up a liability instead.

It's at this point that I remembered something my father once told me: "Before you help other people, you must help yourself". As an arrogantly passionate teenager with delusions of grandeur about making an impact in the world. I thought the idea perplexing, absurd, and even insensitive. I'm beginning to think that maybe he's right and maybe that's where I am in this part of my life. Maybe only once I'm perfectly fine with myself can I heed the call to assemble.

Weekly Ketchup 46 - Science and Sensitivities

I got to see Big Hero 6 earlier this week for no other reason than it's a Disney-animated movie featuring Marvel characters, obscure as though they are. I guess I was interested mainly because of brand loyalty more than anything else. I'm not sure that I would've been as keen to see it had it been a Dreamworks production featuring a set of original characters, which it might as well have been given how much the movie veered away from the original material.

The movie touched on all the right bases, meeting all the expectations I had of it but not surpassing them, which is okay. I thought the plot did get predictable but I still enjoyed it. And while I'm not as crazy about this film as much as I was with Book of Life or How To Train Your Dragon, the reason I'm devoting much of this week's blog talking about it is because I love how the film made science cool for kids. Even I wanted to get into science after watching the movie. I don't know if that was the filmmakers' intention but it certainly came off that way to me.

Speaking of science, this past week was a big one for space exploration. Comet-landing! Yay!

Except that, all this time, I thought that landing probes on anything floating in space was such a common occurrence already, which was why I didn't really give the matter much attention when I first learned about it. It wasn't until the YouTube channels I'm subscribed to started talking about it that I fully realized what a big deal this really was.

Yet what really drew my attention to this milestone as I read more about it was that it's not even NASA that accomplished this feat but the European Space Agency! There's this strange part of me that's delighted that another part of the world was able to expand humanity's reach. No, it's really not borne out of some anti-American sentiment. Far from it, really. I just feel like the more agencies out there in the world are as capable as NASA, the more efficiently we can advance our understanding of the universe. I get excited thinking about the competitive and cooperative element of having multiple agencies and nations working towards practically the same goals without the political shadow of the Cold War looming over them. It's an interesting and optimistically hopeful scenario that just makes me happy.

Still on the subject of science, a conversation I had with a friend over Google+ got the wheels in my head turning again this past week.

It's certainly a good idea but how do make this series watchable? How do we attract an audience? Am I capable of producing it? I toyed around with the idea a little bit and thought it might be something worthwhile to pursue. Then I realized I'm comfortable with the idea of producing something like this. I have the right contacts both in science and communications. I know where to secure space and equipment. I have some money saved, though I was saving it for another thing. I can make this happen right now if I wanted to.

Granted, my immediate future is up in the air right now and I already have another project in the works but I am enjoying this sense of confidence and assertiveness about being capable of producing a new project off of a simple online exchange. It more than made up for the helplessness and inadequacy I also felt this past week as I realized that I'm extremely under-qualified for a lot of the open positions on Buzzfeed, which I just learned about a few days ago.

Yes, I was looking for new opportunities. No, this is quite different from the writer position I talked about last week, which I haven't even gotten around to attending to because after the Piolo Pascual article, I was immediately given my next assignment: an Anne Curtis article. If I keep this up, I'll be writing about local stars and celebrities for a long while. They maybe vapid pieces (much like this blog) but hey! They're easy money and they're also work that I can be proud of, so let me at 'em!

Speaking of last week, I feel like I more than made up for the lack of documentation of the shenanigans I talked about by bombarding my Facebook and Instagram feed this past week with real time updates of my adventures - from getting my face marked on last Thursday night after a game of Kaiju tower to the bizarre way I got my gift from geek friend Alec yesterday.

Aftermath of Kaiju Tower. I'm going home looking like this.

A photo posted by Niki Yarte (@pinoyavenger) on Nov 11, 2014 at 9:15am PST

So I received a gift that I picked up and delivered the payment for myself. Thanks a lot, @dwinchester!

A photo posted by Niki Yarte (@pinoyavenger) on Nov 11, 2014 at 8:25am PST

Yeah, I've had a fun week. I do regret not having had enough time to visit UST yesterday though because one of the programs I launched as president of the Communication Arts Students Association is apparently still ongoing and on its tenth year. That validation about having left a legacy behind just makes me feel like I did well during my time. Ah, memories.

Weekly Ketchup 45 - Changes and Challenges

I'm currently taking a break from writing about Piolo Pascual to do this blog. Yes, I'm writing a showbiz article.  Yes, it's for a client. Yes, the only reason I'm doing it is for the money. Yes, I'm well aware that makes me a whore. I've long established that.

Funny enough, this isn't the only time this past week that I found myself having to write something way beyond my comfort zone. I found out that Buzzfeed Philippines was looking for a writer and so I threw my name on the hat, sent my resume and some published samples and all that jazz. The editor got back to me with instructions instead. Apparently getting the gig involves some sort of "audition". I was to contribute a "community" post on the website and they like it, I'm in. I've never really had to brainstorm on a topic before, at least not from scratch, let alone one that's intended to generate online buzz, so this one's a bit of a challenge.

The thing is: I've never really been one to push the populist agenda. One quick tour of this blog and one will immediately surmise that I exist in my own bubble, so I'm not really in tune with where the masses are at. In short: I'm a middle-class elitist snob... who just happens to be an advertising copywriter. Yeah, I can put words together in often incoherent structure to market a product - but to write about experiences that people, specifically Filipinos, can relate with? That's a bit of a stretch for me. I mean, how do I even begin writing a piece like "You know you're a Vilmanian when..."?

There's a part of me that's thinking maybe this gig just isn't for me. But then, there's also the part that tells me it can't hurt to try. Guess which one is winning out? Hint: I just have to finish this Papa P. article and I'll get on it.

Speaking of comfort zones, I just realized that in about seven weeks, I'll have to break out of another one, which was what I've been building towards since day one of this blog. There's a feeling of dread and anticipation in the pit of my soul as so many things are up in the air right now but I did make the decision late last week that I was gonna push through with it, however I think I'll have to cut the trip from a potential lifetime to a month-long trip.

I already knew that I have to be here for Beejay's wedding. Being able to include "groomsman" among my life experiences certainly was a deciding factor in that, otherwise I wouldn't have allowed a friend's life event alter the course of my own. Besides, I can always come back but I'll probably never be a groomsman again so there's that.

I do have to work out the logistics of my itinerary though, which was what I've been busy with this past week. I have a pretty ambitious trip in my head but, as always, it all boils down to money. Our company sales is down so I'm a bit nervous about the state of our 13th month pay, vacation and sick leaves, and even our salary for the next two months - all of which are integral to making any of my fantasies for this trip materialize.

This planning is a challenge in in itself as I'm working with nothing else but the resources that are available to me. I'd rather not count on asking my mom, my dad in LA, or even my grandmother in Canada for help because I'm a big boy and I'd rather think I can handle this. Whatever happens, it'll be glorious!

Anyway, in a week of changes and challenges, the Hat Madders (including myself) won the monthly Quiz Night last Thursday (again), which was held at a slightly altered Amici because of the ongoing renovations.

Yesterday, geek friends Alec, Hec, Paul, Jovan, Echo, and I converged in Divisoria upon Mark P.'s invitation. MR was in town and it was his birthday, so we went. We didn't really do much, except munch on dumplings and oyster cake, and looked at toys. It's a change because I hardly get to have any of my friends on my home turf of Manila and navigating the busy streets of Divisoria is a challenge, so there.

Last night, I was supposed to start writing this Piolo Pascual article but I ended up joining the rest at Purdue for game night (that's a change of plans and some challenges right there). We played two games of King of Tokyo (I got to be the kraken and the big ape), Ticket to Ride (I attempted but failed to connect Vancouver and Montreal because Canada), and Love Letter (funny story about that) where I finally won!

Unfortunately, I didn't take any photos from any of these three events. Bad, me! Bad!

Anyway, I also started playing a new game, Beastie Bay, and totally neglected all the other games I haven't finished from last week so challenge changed! I thought it was a fun city simulation/pocket monster hybrid.

Right, so that was my week. Gotta get back to Piolo Pascual now.

Weekly Ketchup 42 - Money/Talks

It was my birthday this past week. I wanted to have this Broadway-themed Halloween costume party where me and my friends would dress up as characters from Broadway shows and sing songs from the musicals. I had a venue in mind already but, obviously, that didn't happen because, well, money and that I didn't have enough of it. I was hoping to score another gig a month ago, which I obviously didn't get as well, otherwise this would be a totally different blog altogether. The thing is: I have been saving money since the year started, which has been great, but I'm also not making enough from my day job and I'm not scoring enough moonlighting work to splurge on a birthday party. A big consideration is that I am also leaving soon.

When I was younger, say 15 years ago, I thought that I'd be financially okay by this age. That I'd have all the money in the world to splurge on my hobbies and interests and that I wouldn't ever go hungry. To be fair, those expectations were met, except that I also imagined I'd be living in an apartment and paying rent but that didn't happen either because the reality is that I can't have my cake and eat it too.

I honestly don't know how to be wise or smart with money or even how to make them other than to work, be productive, and create something I can be proud of in the future. For me, that's always been in stories - whether in photos, in videos, or in words. Yes, even in ads and design & layout. I've been offered to change careers into something more lucrative (*ahem*BPOs*ahem*) or engage in different schemes of multi-level marketing, which, more than anything, offers "financial stability" but I just didn't see the value in any of it other than the money. I've also been offered long-term investments with the already little money I make but that would mean giving up on theater, movies, books, and everything else that I enjoy.

Money today just makes me happy but money in the future would just make me less miserable, which are two totally different things. This mentality of mine scares the living shit out of me because, as much as it makes perfect sense, it's also not practical or sustainable. I realize that the solution to all of this is to move to a bigger, higher paying  company, which I'm not willing to do as I've already discussed here, or get promoted, which my current company isn't willing to do. And now I'm back to square one: Spend less and make more money elsewhere. Seriously, if I had been born incredibly good-looking, I'd whore myself out to the highest bidder. Yeah, I'm that kind of person.

Yesterday's new haircut plus today's new frame.
I thought I looked hella good until people said I look more like Olaf.
I just can't win!

Yet, despite unmet expectations, I can't really complain. I always say I'm still better off than a great number of people, I've always managed to stave off emergencies despite my limited means, and what I currently make is really more than enough - if only I wasn't me. But I am who I am and, as was evidenced to me this birthday week despite the absence of a big party, people like me well enough, which is something I wouldn't have been able to say 15 years ago so I still win in life!

Which brings me to my next thought.

I'm not really sure what I enjoy the most about engaging in conversations or interactions in general: That they let me get to know another person or that I get to know more about myself. This entire ramble about money was borne out of a conversation I had with geek friend Paul over pad thai and pho yesterday after checking out Uniqlo (another thing that was borne out of a particularly interesting conversation over Facebook). I already knew that he fared a little better than me in the salary department (though he does pay bills and rent that I don't), but he is also incredibly prepared. The word "mutual fund" figured into the conversation. There's just something so adult about it that's just not me and I find it fascinating.

Me at Uniqlo before Paul arrived. Didn't much care for it.

Another conversation that got me thinking about my status in the universe is one I had hours after that with geek friends Denice and TJ at Uno Morato about, well, porn. I'd like to think that I'm well-versed in the perverse but apparently porn and porn stars are something that people talk openly about now - as if they're regular summer blockbusters. Denice and TJ bandied names and words with the crowd at Uno Morato and I was like, "WTF?" I have never felt more like a prude my entire life. To be fair, I have seen my share of porn and I find it disgusting. I don't understand how disproportionate body parts and bad production can be titilating. Short Bus, though.

Checked out the Saturday morning cartoons thon.
I arrived really late though.

I suppose this shouldn't really be any surprising given last week's revelation (do they go hand-in-hand?), which my teammates (Nabs, Marge, Kai, and - for the first time - Nina) at last Tuesday's Relik Trivia Night (where I ended up celebrating my birthday) pulled me aside to talk further about. Questions like "Do I fancy anybody at the bar?", "What's my type?", and other questions but I was fumbling for answers! It was so awkward! I felt like I was improvising a role that people were forcing me to play and I was talking out of my body (to be fair, I was also a bit sloshed)!

From Jovan's Facebook. WE WON!!!

My reaction to these scenarios obviously speaks volumes about me more than the other party. Like I've already established, I relish my oddities because I'd be boring without them. It's the adaptive nature of evolution at work, I guess. With no looks or money smarts to bank on, I'd need talent and an ebullient personality to survive. One, I can work on (and have been working on); the other, I either have or don't - and nature has at least given me that.

Now if only I can make money off of my neuroses. Hmmm.
Maybe a sitcom or webshow about me and my equally eccentric dog?

Weekly Ketchup 41 - My One Regret About Growing Older

No, I'm not about to go on a ramble of insecurities, mistakes, and regrets about turning another year older in a few days, though I very well should. This past week alone, social media has brought to my attention that a couple of org-mates from college who pretty much received the same education as I did were now either teaching or being deployed to other countries. I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm just a tad envious but they got it going on and good for them! Meanwhile, I'm still crawling through, learning on the job and celebrating every little gig I get. Just today, I got to cover another baptism/birthday combo with my trusty new camera. Just a few days ago, I sent in a new article for Planet Philippines. While either doesn't really make me much money (none of what I do or try to do really does), that I get to do both, among other things, is a dream enough come true. Maybe someday whatever I do will take me places. Maybe someday I'll be so good that I'll be invited to teach. Or maybe not. But right now I'm happy that I can tell my 23-year old self that "you're doing exactly what you would imagined you would be doing ten years after college graduation - writing articles, making videos, taking photos, etc".

Boho Quiz Night. Our team, the Candlenicks, won! 

No, I'm also not about to begrudge time and nature for aging me. Yes, there is gray in my hair and my hairline has receded a bit (my bangs have all but disappeared). My face has gotten a bit gaunt, my lips thinner, and I wrinkle. I say bring it on - it means that I made it! I'm still here and I'm healthy. As unfortunate as it is, I've already outlived some friends from college. So yeah, let time do its worst! I'm prepared, though if it could do it in little increments over a long period of time, that'll be great. I don't wanna make wearing sunscreen a daily habit - something that I started doing this week. Also: If my body would just let me enjoy life without breaking down easily, that'd be great too. I'd like to enjoy more of last Wednesday's Boho Quiz Night, which was followed by an impromptu YouTube karaoke. I'd also like to get more from my day. Yesterday's Star Wars Reads at Glorietta 5, while fun, left me exhausted that I didn't have energy to go out and party some more.

Chaos at Star Wars Reads Manila

And no, this is not a spree of tired cliches and pretentious adage about what "growing up" means (because really why?) but I do want to point out some things. I am now roughly the same age when my mom had me (my dad was way older) so some things do bear thinking. Having been surrounded by families and children this entire weekend, maybe it's also a thematic question to ask: Marriage, family, and children? I guess same with success, aging, and maturity, I could care less about having any of them (Yeah, I say it now).

Here's the thing: I don't know if these things will ever be in the cards for me. I'm certainly not closed to the idea. Maybe I'll grow into the role of a family man someday but it isn't something I'm actively working towards.

Obviously because it also takes more than just my efforts.

While I think I've made peace with the various aspects of my personality so much that I feel like a complete person who can take on anything, this is the one area where I fail completely. Heck, I'm 33 and I've never even once gone on a date, flirted, hooked up, much less been in a relationship. I just never really saw myself as good enough for anyone. To be fair, people have gone up to me to make me believe otherwise but I just got creeped out most of the time. And yes I've known infatuation as well but I just dismissed at that: Infatuation. True enough, whatever it was I thought I was feeling went away as quickly as it came.

I'm obviously an incredibly strange person, which is one of two reasons I've always had in my head about why I've refused to let anyone else get intimately closer; the other being that I didn't like the idea of my life, my time especially, being intertwined with another person's (people in relationships call it "compromise"). Now I'm thinking "strange" means "interesting" and maybe "intertwining" isn't so bad after all. So if there's one thing I do regret about growing older is that I wouldn't know what it's like to be young and "in love" enough to write about it. I've let youth and beauty lapse without having lived the complete experience.

Like I mentioned in an earlier blog, it's the things I didn't get to do that I regret the most. Now having put this nugget of information out here, what next? I guess I'll let you know once I've figured it out.

Weekly Ketchup 39 - Three Things

First thing: Late last week, there was a typhoon. Been there, done that.
Along with the rising flood waters came the sudden swelling of my lower lip. I suspect it was either the pin prick of a sore I noticed a couple of nights before (either I bit on it or an insect did) or the unsanitary way I shaved that part of my face just the day before (yeah, it's a thing). Either way, it was itchy, heavy, and painful and, once again, another medical emergency that I couldn't afford to have at the moment.
Both unfortunate circumstances threw a wrench at last weekend plans, which should've included Play Like A Pirate Day, the Manila International Book Fair, and game night with a bunch of geek friends. I did see a doctor when the sky cleared up and was prescribed an antibiotic. Thankfully, no surgery or needles were required.
While I spent the entire weekend feeling feverish (maybe my body's reaction to the rather strong medication), the rest of the work week was just me going through my normal daily routine, except with a comically large lower lip (and a bit of puss). Thankfully, the damn thing has healed now and life is back to normal.

I was glad that I didn't have to see people; then I snapped this selfie.

Second thing: I received an unexpected but very welcome call last Monday from someone I haven't heard from in a couple of years. The nature of our conversation has immediate ramifications for my plans to leave. It may derail them, in fact. On one hand, I don't want months of planning to unravel. On the other, the opportunity offered to me happens only once in a lifetime. Sorry if I'm being vague but I've been sworn to secrecy but I'm sharing a bit of it here because I kinda wanna track the progression of this story as well, Hopefully, I get to dedicate an entry to this situation in the coming weeks.
Right now, I'm trying to focus on the solution aka to have my cake and eat it too. It's a dilemma, to be sure, but I find that focusing on the problem is just gonna weigh me down (like that time). But this new development is gonna involve plenty of sacrifices on my part but, hopefully, it forces me to grow and evolve. So challenge accepted (I guess?)

Lastly, this past week is memorable for the number of pitchforks slung. I agree that rape is not funny and leashing a performer is distasteful (notice I did not say "female"). However, the number of opinions and discussions surrounding both incidents are already staggering plus I already spent last week on an overarching ramble about another societal issue so I'm not gonna get into them here. I will just point out three things:
a) The irony of timing as both issues went viral at the same time that Emma Watson's speech at the United Nations did.
b) Watson, of course, emphasized the responsibility of males to take up the feminist cause as well. The thing is: As someone whose earliest memories happened during the time of a female president; whose parental figures were my grandmother, my mom, and my aunt; whose earliest comic heroes were the X-men and their powerful female characters; and who has worked with more female bosses, the idea that women are inferior in any way have always been alien to me. While that may not mean much coming from a guy with a queer identity, I look at my closest male friends who've had a traditional hetero-normative upbringing and I think we see women the same way. Must be a geek thing.
c) I do wonder: If rape did not exist or if it wasn't a prevalent crime, would joking about it be simply cathartic? After all, Greek dramas were all sprung from exploring aspects of the human experience that were not realized at the time. Similarly, if male patriarchy or slavery were figments of our imagination, would the image of a man holding a woman on a leash just mean to satisfy our curiosity? And to tie this matter off with last week's conundrums: If it had been a black woman holding a Filipino man (two cultures with no common histories) on a leash, can it just be art?

Obviously, I didn't really see a female being ensnared by the patriarchy. I just saw another human being and it is disturbing (but was it also cathartic?), especially since the concept did not call for it. Writing this just now made me realize I wasn't as offended by the imagery as my friends were.

Just like racial and cultural issues, matters about sex, gender, and representation are important to me not just as a person but also as a would-be creator. Unfortunately, our lot in life is that we're born either one or the other, so the "write what you know" principle is harder to follow when you're talking about the opposite sex or people of other cultures so it helps to collaborate as well as to keep the dialog open.
In the age of social media, however, there is the added challenge of sifting through wanton activism and knee-jerk reactions to get to little nuggets of enlightened opinions. Thankfully, there is an abundance of smart people in my life to mine them from.

Weekly Ketchup 38 - Racial Ramblings

As soon as I finished last week's catch-up, I immediately had an idea what this week's blog was gonna be about since the thought weighed heavily on my head days after posting it.

When I made the jump from talking about 300: Rise of an Empire to the Islamic State, I did not mean to imply that modern-day Persians (aka the Turks and the Iranians) are in anyway related to the terrorist group. I actually had to research about the difference between Persian and Arabian people because for the longest time, and I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of this, I thought they were one and the same mainly because of geography and religion. I guess it's the same how some people can't differentiate between Koreans and Chinese (or even Japanese) and assume that the cultures are interchangeable. This doesn't necessarily mean that lumping unrelated peoples together is racist but I do understand how the ignorance can be offensive, regardless of the intent.

Though I wonder why everyone else but white people seem quick to cry "racist stereotyping". Since I talked about my love of the fantasy genre last week, allow me to make examples of elves (a Norse creature) and satyrs (a Greek creature) or, more similarly, fairies and nymphs being lumped together in games and books. Why is noone crying foul over the homogenization of European culture?

I also wonder: People were up in arms when Ziyi Zhang, a Chinese woman, was cast as the lead in Memoirs of a Geisha but I don't remember a single protest raised against the "Indianization" of the Fire Nation, which had a more Japanese inspiration in the cartoons, in "The Last Airbender". The latter, of course, had bigger problems when it was accused of white-washing peoples that had distinctively Inuit and Chinese origins.

Of course, the difference between "Geisha" and "Last Airbender" was that the former was explicitly set in Japan - a real location - whereas the former was set in a fictional world, so I can maybe give the producers a little leeway when it comes to reinterpreting the source material for the big screen to appeal to a wider domestic audience (same thing that happened with the Dragonball movie).

I admit I'm also given to a bit of bias. I really don't mind if a traditionally white character gets made over into a totally different race in a reinterpreted adaptation. Michael Clark Duncan as the Kingpin? Sold! Fan Bing Bing as Blink? Loved it! Michael B. Jordan as the Human Torch? Well, let's see how this goes but I'm open. There really isn't much room to wiggle here since these are characters that have been canonically illustrated as white people with a back history set in an idealized "real" world that specifically establishes such but I'm still all for it! But hell will be raised if War Machine or the Falcon were depicted as white.

That being said, I do wonder if a reinterpretation of "The Lord of the Rings" or "A Song of Ice and Fire" set in a more Asian-inspired fictional world, going directly against the authors' visions, would work? I wonder if I would be open to the idea. Right now, I'm a little curious about it as that sounds like an awesome production, travesty to the source material aside.

Admittedly, the modes of pop culture I consume - fantasy novels, comics, cartoons, even the CGI-laden summer blockbusters, and games (possibly) are all constructs of white people's imaginations, so it makes sense that some of the early works, even some of the current ones, in those genre were about them. I guess noone's crying foul about the homogenization of European cultures because the perpetrators are themselves white. We, as non-white consumers, cannot feign ignorance either because our education system has been Euro-centric from the get-go, which is why it's easier for us to accept the Greeks as heroes and the Persians as villains. Heck, I knew more about Greek mythology from high school than I ever did about Filipino lores. And no, it can't be that empire-building just leaves a bad taste in our mouth because the Romans and Alexander had empires and are venerated for it.

Why all this matters to me has to do with what I intend to leave in this world as my life's work: A fantasy epic that has gods, monsters, magic, heroes, and all sorts of creatures. One of the original ideas for the story was a desert-dwelling, moon-worshipping tribe of villainous ogres, which was immediately dropped after 9/11. I also wanted to present a human race that was far more diverse than what JRR Tolkien had in his legendarium, so I had main characters that resembled and were based on American Indians, Chinese, and Persian peoples. Meanwhile, the human halves of my humanoid creatures (aka harpies and minotaurs) are black. And yet my main character was a white boy. Even the gods I imagined then were Greek-inspired so they were naturally white.

As time wore on and my knowledge of the real world increased and deepened, the fictional world I have in my head also evolved, albeit somewhat conflictingly. The gods are no longer white humans but magical creatures instead. I have now added more humans into the world, including those based on the East Indians and the Africans. All of them inhabiting the same world as elves, fairies, djinns, dragons, and vampires! I feel like in the effort to not be racially biased, I have created this rather colorful but convoluted world and lost track of the story!

Another question that have plagued me in recent years was whether to write my Filipino ancestry into the story. After all, Tolkien drew much inspiration from his Irish ancestry for his Hobbits. I tried to rewrite the story in this vein when I joined NaNoWriMo a few years ago but I ended up with a totally different story than I originally intended! This got me thinking: Regardless of whether I find a large enough audience, should I bear the responsibility of bringing my world into this genre that I love and aspire to participate in?

On a related story: This past week, some of my friends from UP have been accusing the NU Pep Squad (and other squads) of "cultural misappropriation" in their choice of themes following last week's cheerdancing competition for which the UP Pep Squad, despite their strong advocacy theme, placed second. While I don't doubt my friends' objectivity about the matter, it can't be helped to taste bitterness in their objections. The same can be said about me expressing this observation coming from the school that placed third.

Now all was on my mind a few days ago when I thought: Maybe the only way my work would not come of as Euro-centric, racist, ignorant, culturally misappropriated and not worry about representing my ethnicity was to instead create a whole new race of humans that are far removed what exists now - like people gray skins with blue hair. I can take what little tidbits about real cultures however it would serve the story. How cool would that be to have samurai-like warriors headquartered in a pyramid, for example?

Of course, I'm rambling about a piece of work that doesn't exist yet but as my life's work, I need to really think hard about these things and educate myself.

Anyway, I'm currently feverish, fighting off a lip infection, so I apologize if this week's edition isn't studded with links and images. I'll update when I feel better, hopefully this coming week.

Weekly Ketchup 37 - Flight of Fantasy

Geekdom is a vast realm of varied interests and I have long cast my lot with fantasy and mythology. Last week alone, I found myself gorging on as much magic and fantasy as I can handle - and somehow found some connections between my hobbies, current events, and existentialist questions.

First things first: I finished the entire second book of Avatar: The Legend of Korra and, while not awful, it just didn't quite capture my imagination as much as Legend of Aang did. Its world of automobiles, "movers", mechas, etc. were just alien to me. In fact, the only episodes I fully enjoyed were the saga of Wan (spin-off please?). I would've appreciated the world better if bending somehow explained the new technologies. That being said, I'm sure still gonna follow book three.

Wan/Raava vs. Vaatu
(Source)

On the gaming front, I'm still on Warlords Battlecry 2 and Age of Wonders 2 (yeah, it takes a while). I've been playing WB2 on a daily basis since Geekstractions and I've now conquered three quarters of the world (with a sad win-loss record of 1:2). Meanwhile, I've been spending my free Saturdays on AoW2, playing a couple of really long levels at a time, and is now one level away from finishing the game! Yay me!

Book-wise, I started Daniel Arenson's Firefly Island. I didn't remember the premise of the book and why I bought it so I went into blindly, not certain if I liked it a couple of chapters in. But the more I unraveled Arenson's world, I became so much more invested that I plowed through about eight chapters last Saturday! The narrative is easy enough to follow, the characters are likable, and the world-building was wonderful! It reminds me a lot of David Eddings' and Brandon Sanderson's works!

I also caught up with some movies that I deliberately missed because of bad reviews: Wrath of the Titans, The Immortals, and 300: Rise of the Empire. Titans was just plain awful in every conceivable angle while Immortals and Empire were serviceable enough - they were at least pretty. My main problem with the mythology in Titans and Immortals, though, was that the "twilight of the gods" was a Norse concept and not Greek. Can somebody just make a film about Ragnarok and be done with it?

Coincidentally, I saw Rise of an Empire last Thursday - exactly the anniversary of 9/11. Just the day before, Barrack Obama addressed the ISIS situation. It was then that I acknowledged (internally) that I am afraid, especially at the prospect of another world war (thinking about Russia and North Korea as well). While violent conflicts are par for the course of any fantasy epic in any medium, I don't think I'm prepared to handle such a situation if it hits close to home.

Gorgo and Artemisia were the best part of the movie!

While we're on the subject of fantasy and religion, I've always wondered what it said about me that I am now averse towards the magical and fantastic doctrines of organized religion but sold on anything with dragons, fairies, avatars, titans, and the like. Then again, fantasy doesn't force me to believe that wizards are real the same way that religions venerate their saints and prophets. Then again, I'm no atheist. I'd still like to believe in a powerful unknowable force that permeates the universe. Maybe that's why I haven't lost my sense of wonder? Or maybe they're not connected?

Anyway, I also had the pleasure of teaming up with Paolo and Denice, both members of the Geek Fight committee, at last Wednesday's Boho Quiz Night hosted by Jon (one of my usual quiz night teammates). We didn't win but it was a fun evening nonetheless. I got to participate in Paolo's impromptu mini trivia game at our table since he was showing us some of the questions he used before. As usual, if it's not related to fantasy and mythology (or comics), I'm useless.

In other news:
I went to my college friend Hanna's kid's baptism way up in Bulacan yesterday. It's always good to see the old gang, especially Tintin who's been based in Singapore for more than 5 years. Of course, I found something deplorable about the priest's sermon. It's the thing I hate most about religious doctrines: The divisiveness.

We tried to catch the livestream of the UAAP Cheerdance Competition on the road but eventually our feed was cut off just as it was getting interesting. And while the general Thomasian community is glad that the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe finally made it back to the top 3, I'm glad they delivered a performance that I can get behind because the past few years have just been mediocre at best.

Weekly Ketchup 34 - General Updates and Addenda

Lest my current work problems turn into a three-episode arc, I'm just gonna append the experience of the past few weeks with a simple "things had a way of working themselves out". So, yeah, I'm slowly creeping back to my hopeful self.

Thankfully, the rest of the week passed without much fanfare, which brings me to the subject of this week's blog: What to write about? I thought I'd take this opportunity to share some thoughts that have been buzzing around in my head for a while now. These are mostly ramblings that were in drafts of earlier entries but had to be cut off because the blogs were getting too long. Either that or there just hadn't been an impetus to share them in a given week. Until now.

Changing Social Behavior

A couple of weeks ago, I ran this list of geeky distractions. What didn't make the cut of that rather long blog was the behind-the-scenes dilemma I had throughout that entire week about whether I should share the movie, music, book, or game I've been checking out. In real time. On all my social networks.

The thing was that I didn't want this blog to be a curation of what I've been sharing on social media the past week. I didn't want it to be like an extended edition of what I've already shared. That's just too much time sharing, opining, and talking about the same set of subjects.

And so I resolved to keep quiet about my new interests until I can blog about them. It's not in real time and I don't even get a lot of views but I do get to archive my thoughts, which is why I still prefer blogging in long form as opposed to sharing random bursts of opinion or activity.

Waging A Silent War

One of the earliest entries on this series was about random thoughts I had while walking home from work. In another blog not too long ago, I briefly mentioned how jeepneys have never been part of my reality. I'm aware that they're there and I do take them on occasion, especially late at night when buses and trains are no longer available but, until the Manila bus ban, I've never had to take them on a daily basis.

These past few months I've devised ways to cope with my current predicament. One way, as one might guess, was that I've been walking home. Thankfully, the distance between my house and office isn't all that great and I could use the bit of exercise given my sedentary lifestyle.

Another way I've been dealing, especially in the morning on my way to work, is holding on to my payment until I'm near the office and satisfied with the journey. Because the worst part about taking these piles of scrap metal are smoking drivers, everytime a driver lights a stick, I get off - without paying - and transfer to another jeep. I will also transfer if the driver plays really loud awful music. I realize that this sounds cruel but as a consumer, I need to get this satisfaction from a service I'm paying for.

Consumer vs Creator

Another earlier post was how everything seems to be accessible online now, which has been rather good for me since I got to open myself up to new and even old books, games, and comics.

Not too long ago I also wrote about some first world problems I had during a recent storm that took out our power and Internet. What I cut from that entry was my hypothesis that I was much more creative and imaginative back when I didn't have much access to anything. I remember one stormy and blacked out day when I came up with an entire X-books crossover. At the time, there was nothing else to do and I also didn't read many X-men comics because I couldn't afford them.

In all my years as an Avengers fan, most of which time I've been able to afford everything, I've never once imagined a single storyline, let alone an entire crossover epic.  However, recently, now that I'm not following the comics (not because I can't afford them, rather because they weren't coming up with the type of stories I want to read), I've been daydreaming about fantasy story arcs I want to see! I even like launching a fan fiction series - but I would still like for it to be graphic, even if I'm not an artist. I just gotta iron out the story!

I shared this on my Instagram a few months ago.
I actually imagined a war game back when I could only fantasize about playing one.

That's just three of the most badly written ramblings ever but I do enjoy putting my thoughts into words, however haphazardly, otherwise they would just fester in my head. That being said, I'm looking forward to a more coherent blog next week!

Oh, and this blog was delayed because of two very important people:

Yesterday, I was recovering from a party we had the night before to celebrate geek friend Hank's birthday!

Photo from Lynn's Facebook

Earlier today, I was at lunch to celebrate the birthday of another geek friend, Carlo!

I'm sure there's a better photo somewhere but this will do for now.
From Tania's Facebook

Weekly Ketchup 28 - Pretentious, Delusional, or Borderline Sociopath?

Previously on this blog: I lack ambition. I refuse to be Filipino. Identity issues. Unforeseen and unnecessary expenses.

Yes, that little episode recap is important to this blog. It's very meta.

Anyway, last Thursday, on my way to a client, I dropped my glasses and lost one of the lenses. Aside from adding one more item to the list of things I now have to spend for and making me feel even more guilty about buying a new toy last week, I thought the incident fit in perfectly with the theme of this week's blog, which I had already decided was gonna be about "perspective".

I've been wearing glasses continuously for about a year now supposedly to correct my slight astigmatism. Apparently my eyes, particularly the right side, are locked in perpetual macro mode. Chicken or egg question is whether my nearsightedness has to do with my obsession with mobile operating systems like Palm and Android or why I prefer writing on small devices like PDAs and smartphones. (Sidenote: All entries on this blog have been written on my phone.) Incidentally, I've been obsessed this week with shooting things in macro but because my phone doesn't have autofocus, I've resorted to using my trusty old jelly lens to do the job.

That aside, what got me really thinking about perspective this past week was a couple of "hypothetical" situations that I shared on my social networks (see here and here). I recon they were pretty funny incidents by themselves but I have this thing where I don't just tell a story - I put a creative spin on it. Because, seriously, there are millions of things being shared on social media, I want to make sure my virtual presence makes as much impact as my physical presence does.

For the same reason, I try as much as possible not to use social media as my opinion column because there are enough people with "thoughts and feelings" on the Internet already. For that matter, there are enough people living out their reality show fantasies on Facebook and Twitter, so I'd like to offer a different kind of programming. I don't necessarily believe I'm funny but I do constantly find myself in funny situations and social media has given me a channel, and an audience to boot, to broadcast my special brand of comedy.

Maybe because I once dreamed of being an actor or scriptwriter but I see my existence and reality as my own personal show (or movie). I wrote about it a long time ago during the golden days of Multiply and even alluded to this tendency of mine in another entry a few months back. To give you an idea, I've never left the house without anything plugged in my ears since I was in high school because music affords me the illusion that I'm in the opening montage of a show. Kinda like this:

I also tend to categorize specific periods of my life in seasons and I feel like these past few years have been like the final season of a show that already ran its course two seasons ago (*ahem*). I feel like everything that I've been doing the past year, this blog included, is just some last ditch effort by the writers and the network (ie, me) to make the show exciting. More than anything, this is why I need to leave and seek out new adventures.

I once told my geek friend Dek, who I'll be staying with for a while, that when I come over later this year, in her life of a TV show, I'll be like that character who left a few seasons back and made a surprise return in the finale to excite viewers for the next season. And that says a lot about how I see myself in the narrative I'm trying to live out. I don't really see myself as the protagonist of my own series. Rather, I'm the secondary character in everyone else's story. This makes so much sense now because I've always believed that if I ever get cast in a Disney movie, this is the type of character I would play.

Maybe that's why I'm not ambitious enough. I realized early on that I'm not meant to defeat the villain, get the girl, and save the world. My job is to support the hero, share in the glory but not the responsibility, and still be the audience's favorite character. In short: The comic relief. That's not so bad for someone with small ambitions, now, is it?

This probably why I have the hardest time navigating the reality around me. In the little bubble of delusion I created around myself, it was okay to merely have it together, which I mostly do, because the story of secondary characters hardly needs to evolve as much as the hero's story does. But to survive and succeed in the real world, I have to compete with the heroes of their story on terms everyone understands but me.

This dissonance between the reality in my head and the reality around me is likely where my identity issues stem from. In my little world, jeepneys and idiots who make garbage cans and toilet bowls out of the entire city just don't exist. And for as long as I can take buses and trains regularly, as I have for the nearly ten years that I've been working, I can live out my fantasy. Seriously, I'm the type of guy who would transfer from trains and buses to get from one place to another instead of taking the one jeep that goes all the way through. The Manila bus ban shattered that delusion and for the past year, I've been forced to take those heaping piles of scrap metal to work and face my third world reality on a daily basis.

For these reasons, I'm so glad I met my geek friends. They allowed me to indulge in my delusions. I get to throw out lines and be involved in situations that, by all accounts, should only work on TV.  I literally hear laugh tracks whenever we get together and I get to be the character I've always wanted to be. I don't know how everyone else sees the world but I'm happy to frolic in mine, with all its quirks and craziness! It's an interesting existence, believe me.

So this week's blog turned out to be that surprising episode that tied up loose ends and answered questions established in previous episodes, leaving the audience to wonder where the show can possibly go next. Oh, but in true TV show fashion, how about a cliffhanger / teaser with no context? Speculate away!