|Boho Quiz Night. Our team, the Candlenicks, won!|
|Chaos at Star Wars Reads Manila|
Here's the thing: I don't know if these things will ever be in the cards for me. I'm certainly not closed to the idea. Maybe I'll grow into the role of a family man someday but it isn't something I'm actively working towards.
Obviously because it also takes more than just my efforts.
While I think I've made peace with the various aspects of my personality so much that I feel like a complete person who can take on anything, this is the one area where I fail completely. Heck, I'm 33 and I've never even once gone on a date, flirted, hooked up, much less been in a relationship. I just never really saw myself as good enough for anyone. To be fair, people have gone up to me to make me believe otherwise but I just got creeped out most of the time. And yes I've known infatuation as well but I just dismissed at that: Infatuation. True enough, whatever it was I thought I was feeling went away as quickly as it came.
I'm obviously an incredibly strange person, which is one of two reasons I've always had in my head about why I've refused to let anyone else get intimately closer; the other being that I didn't like the idea of my life, my time especially, being intertwined with another person's (people in relationships call it "compromise"). Now I'm thinking "strange" means "interesting" and maybe "intertwining" isn't so bad after all. So if there's one thing I do regret about growing older is that I wouldn't know what it's like to be young and "in love" enough to write about it. I've let youth and beauty lapse without having lived the complete experience.
Like I mentioned in an earlier blog, it's the things I didn't get to do that I regret the most. Now having put this nugget of information out here, what next? I guess I'll let you know once I've figured it out.